Buzz Off, 2019: A Pop Quiz On This Year’s Trumpster Fire | Dick Polman

Year three of the man-child administration was much like his first two, only more so. But before you compel yourself, for the sake of your sanity, to forget so much of what you saw and heard, perhaps you can be tempted to test your smarts on this year’s most memorable rhetorical sewage. Give it a try. Amaze your family and pets. And no peeking at the answers below!

1. Trump frequently opined about wind turbine power (although, in his words, “I never understood wind”). He decreed that wind turbine power is responsible for several terrible things. Which ones?

a) It causes cancer

b) It spews tremendous tremendous amount of fumes

c) It forces us to flush toilets 10 times

d) It shatters our old-fashioned light bulbs

e) It gives us bird graveyards

2. True or false: Trump said that “there has never been, ever before, an administration that’s been so open and transparent.”

3. Trump falsely stated (for the fourth time) that a certain someone was “born in a very wonderful place in Germany.” To whom was he referring?

a) Hitler, who was actually born in Austria

b) Melania, who was actually born in Slovenia

c) His own father, who was actually born in New York

d) Hungarian dictator Viktor Orban, who was actually born in Hungary

4. Trump, referring to the Mueller report, said: “They did a report and there was no obstruction.” But according to the Mueller report, how many times did Trump commit obstruction of justice during the Russia probe?

a) Zero times. For once, Trump was accurate.

b) Three documented times

c) Six documented times

d) Ten documented times

5. True or false: Trump flunky Devin Nunes, the California congressman, sued a Twitter account called Devin Nunes’ Cow, because Devin Nunes’ cow had “bullied” him for moving his dairy farm from California to Nebraska.

6. “Crazy Nancy and Shifty Schiff” is…

a) A new hipster rock band in Brooklyn

b) A new cartoon show pitched by Stephen Colbert

c) An improv remark from Trump at a recent rally

d) A new ice cream flavor from Ben and Jerry

e) A trending Twitter hashtag

7. Trump recently said: “You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now.” Who does he believe should be executed?

a) The NATO leaders who laughed at him behind his back

b) The patriotic civil servants who fed information to the Ukraine whistleblower

c) The patriotic diplomats who testified at the House impeachment hearings

d) The national security reporters who use anonymous sources

e) The Canadian broadcasters who cut his scene in “Home Alone 2”

8. Jeff Van Drew, the New Jersey congressman who was elected in ’18 as a Democrat, defected to the GOP and pledged his “undying support” to Trump. When voting on House bills in 2019, how often did he undyingly support Trump?

a) 83.7 percent of the time

b) 53.7 percent of the time

c) 11.7 percent of the time

9. A judge recently ordered Trump to pay $2 million in restitution. What had he done wrong this time? Which answer is true?

a) He’d stolen money that he fund-raised for military vets and spent it on himself

b) He’d shortchanged plaintiffs in the Trump University settlement

c) He’d screwed small contractors in Atlantic City, and finally had to pay up

d) He’d failed to pay Hachette Book Group after bulk-ordering 50,000 copies of Don Jr’s “Triggered”

10. True or False: Trump will become the first impeached president to win re-election, losing the popular vote by five million but eking out an Electoral College squeaker, which he will call the greatest landslide victory since the era of ancient Rome.

ANSWERS: 1. (a,b,e) 2. True 3. (c) 4. (d) 5. True, except that Nunes moved his cows to Iowa. 6. (c) 7. (b) 8. (c) 9. (a) 10. Who the heck knows? That one’s a freebie. Happy New Year!

Dick Polman, a veteran national political columnist based in Philadelphia and a Writer in Residence at the University of Pennsylvania, writes at DickPolman.net. Email him at dickpolman7@gmail.com.

More in Opinion

America means freedom to outsiders

A friend of mine can’t for the life of him understand why… Continue reading

Having GOP’s Kasich speak would be a coup for Biden

It’s simple math. A successful political coalition is built on the principle… Continue reading

Brunell: Green New Deal incomplete

Our environmental quality strategy must be encompassing and not just focus on… Continue reading

Finally Congress agrees to fund fixes in national parks

America desperately needed some positive news and a reprieve from the coronavirus… Continue reading

Please support Local Journalism Sustainability Act

It provides tax incentives for advertisers, subscribers for 5 years

Three big reasons why Joe Biden continues to trump Trump

Here’s the 2020 presidential race in a nutshell: On Tuesday, Joe Biden… Continue reading

Alaska Airlines positioned for coronavirus comeback

It is no secret that airlines were clobbered by the coronavirus pandemic.… Continue reading

Offering some praise for the Pentagon on flags

I’ve gotten a few letters from readers over the past couple of… Continue reading

Must we live with one foot in the grave?

“Shower the people you love with love/ Show them the way that… Continue reading

DR. Fauci, we always knew it would come to this

Let’s begin today with Joe Biden, who is far too often trumped… Continue reading

Trump using students as coronavirus pawns

Here’s how far Donald Trump is willing to go to ensure his… Continue reading

Democracy or populist authoritarianism

Populist authoritarianism has become a threat to democracy. This is not about… Continue reading