Will Durst

Will posted 124 stories to Bainbridge Island Review.
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The Heartbreak of Oversharing | RAGING MODERATE

While the nation sleeps, a virulent epidemic snakes across our width and breadth like a twisting toxic tornado. Everyday, the tragic sufferers of this dreaded disease stagger dazedly down streets walking into poles and Armenians and through glass doors, oblivious to all around them. Often wandering into the path of oncoming traffic. Many times, they are the traffic that is oncoming.

  • Apr 28th, 2015 4:40pm

Bolting Colts and Wagging Nags | RAGING MODERATE

"And They're Almost Off." Yes, the entrance to the 2016 Presidential Derby has officially been flung open wider than the gap between George Bernard Shaw and Pee Wee Herman. Backstage at the Bolshoi Ballet and the snack bar adjacent to the Professional Bowlers Association Hall of Fame gift shop. Horseshoes and mirrors.

  • Apr 21st, 2015 3:59pm

Some Simple Solutions | RAGING MODERATE

Modern life can get awfully complicated. In our continuing quest to navigate these state-of-the-art raging rapids while keeping body and mind upright, we should be forgiven the occasional tendency to overthink things (like the previous sentence). What America really needs right now are some simple common-sense solutions. And we here at Durstco are honored to offer up a couple of modest proposals.

  • Apr 14th, 2015 4:28pm

FAQ: Religious Freedom Restoration Act | RAGING MODERATE

Q. Governor of Indiana, Mike Pence, signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. What's the big deal?

  • Apr 7th, 2015 4:03am

Crazy Ted Cruz | RAGING MODERATE

Winter is over! Winter is over! Excuse the jubilation, but we ink-stained wretches love the ritual excitement that occurs every spring. This spring is extra exciting, because it comes with our big quadrennial first sighting of a red nose popping out of the presidential wannabe clown car.

  • Apr 1st, 2015 3:43pm

A Bush vs Clinton Rematch | RAGING MODERATE

You might want to stuff your pants pockets with sand and hang onto the rail as the ship of state lurches towards the distinct possibility that the next election to command the helm will be between Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton. The brother versus the wife. Sounds like a probate lawsuit.

  • Mar 26th, 2015 8:40pm

The ‘E’ in Email Stands for Evidence | RAGING MODERATE

The country breathed a collective sigh of relief following Hillary Clinton's masterful press conference last week, held in response to the controversy surrounding her email troubles. "It's all fine. Don't worry about it. We got it covered. Easy peasy lemon squeezy."

  • Mar 19th, 2015 7:26pm

Up Is Down | RAGING MODERATE

I'd advise you to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. You're about to hear something that will change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed?

  • Feb 28th, 2015 7:02pm

The New Political Ice Age | RAGING MODERATE

"And that's it for sports."

  • Jan 26th, 2015 4:19pm

Resolutions I’m Looking Forward To In 2015 | RAGING MODERATE

Usually over the period of 12 months, you get an equal balance of good days and bad. On the playground of the cosmos, the scales tend to balance out. But holey moley catfish, seems like last year the good days spent the bulk of recess time hiding behind the equipment shed next to the monkey bars, and the teeter totter hardly moved what with that fat punk-bad days, grounded on his end of the board throwing rocks at squirrels.

  • Jan 12th, 2015 4:27pm

The Gifts They Should’ve Gotten | RAGING MODERATE

Hey guys. Did this whole crazy holy daze madcap bedlam thing sneak up on you this year, making the world speed up like a maglev Bullet Train going downhill lit by a strobe, like it did us? There's a perfectly reasonable explanation.

  • Dec 29th, 2014 5:05pm

Bushes 3, United States 0 | RAGING MODERATE

Still recovering from the sonic bombshell dropped by Jeb Bush announcing he was officially upgrading his prospective candidate status from... considering the formation of an exploratory committee to investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency to... actually authorizing the formation of an exploratory committee that will investigate the feasibility of a possible run for the presidency? Our little caterpillar is now one step closer to being a big bad beautiful butterfly.

  • Dec 23rd, 2014 5:53pm

Squatting on the Flag | RAGING MODERATE

If you believe the recently released Senate Intelligence Committee torture report, you might be tempted to conclude that the CIA lied to the press and the public and to Congress about the extent and effectiveness of its torture campaign. And that conclusion would be correct, sir.

  • Dec 17th, 2014 5:12pm

Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2014 | RAGING MODERATE

Hey guys, Will Durst here with your eagerly awaited Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2014.

  • Dec 8th, 2014 5:57pm

The True Holiday of Guilt | RAGING MODERATE

The autumn dark is lengthening, which means the English-speaking, Judeo-Christian Holiday Season is about to split open wider than a crocodile mouth at the bottom of a baby duckling water slide. It begins with Columbus Day. No mail and the banks are closed. Much is to be said for starting slow. Then the downward hurtle is set off by Halloween, when people toss about candy, free, incognito.

  • Nov 17th, 2014 5:26pm

Obama and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day | RAGING MODERATE

To call the grotesque drubbing suffered by the Democratic Party in the midterms monumental, is like referring to the surface of the sun as warm. The scene was so grisly, acutely sensitive Democrats (most of them) were forced to avert their eyes or risk anaphylactic shock.

  • Nov 8th, 2014 5:03pm

We Burn Witches, Don’t We? RAGING MODERATE

Gather round kiddies, because it's time for Uncle Will to regale you with the funny side of Ebola. Oh, yeah, there is one. Just need a trained professional to find it.

  • Nov 2nd, 2014 6:32pm

The Orange and Black | RAGING MODERATE

Here it comes. Creeping down dark alleys. Overturning garbage cans and spooking black cats. The scariest day of the year. With the exception of your next birthday, that is. Halloween. All Hallow's Eve. The night preceding All Saint's Day. Time to carve a gourd.

  • Oct 27th, 2014 4:30pm

One Man, One Vote | RAGING MODERATE

Whiners. Bounders. Ingrates. Talking about the incessant griping and sniping currently buzzing over long overdue Republican reforms requiring citizens to produce a government issued ID before casting a vote.

  • Oct 20th, 2014 5:57pm

Scary Masks | RAGING MODERATE

Hey everybody. The Midterms Are Coming! Or rather: the midterms are coming.

  • Oct 13th, 2014 3:13pm