Will Durst

Plump Grumps Humping to Dump Trump | RAGING MODERATE

The "Stop Donald Trump" movement began as a gentle trickle within the Republican party. Now the number of GOP groups intent on preventing the New York real estate developer from becoming their presidential nominee is about to exceed broken March Madness brackets. Thanks, Michigan State.

Super Tuesday Coming Back to Bite the GOP | RAGING MODERATE

It's become painfully obvious that the term "Super Tuesday" was coined for the quantity of elections contested, not the quality of participants involved. Otherwise, we'd be forced to change the name to Kind of Okay Tuesday. Or Is It Really Necessary to be This Loud Tuesday.

We Can Trust the FBI, Right? | RAGING MODERATE

This huge brouhaha between the FBI and Apple has escalated into a battle royale between the righteous and the wicked. And, as often happens, both sides are claiming to be on the side of the angels.

Frequently Asked Questions: Scalia’s Replacement | RAGING MODERATE

Q. Has the issue of Justice Antonin Scalia's replacement on the Supreme Court turned a mite political? A. You could say that. You could also say that flight simulation wind-tunnels are tough on comb-overs.

Iowa, Where Everyone’s a Winner | RAGING MODERATE

The great state of Iowa has a history of cultivating its topsoil for a harvest of winners the rest of the country may enjoy. Glenn Miller. Buffalo Bill Cody. George Reeves. Herbert Hoover. James Tiberius Kirk. As a side note, this may be the first time in history the word "enjoy" has been linked to Herbert Hoover.

New Yorkie Values | RAGING MODERATE

To taunt his rival and sow seeds of evangelical doubt, Rafael Edward "Ted" Cruz informed Donald Trump that the rest of the country was concerned about his alarming New York Values, totally ignoring the greater danger of the real estate developer's aerodynamic coif toppling over and knocking innocent supporters unconscious with its hard candy shell.

The Real State of the Union | RAGING MODERATE

In his last State of the Union Address, that renowned weaver of uplifting platitudes, President Barack Obama, crocheted his constituents one final quilt of bittersweet melancholy to remember him by. Not a victory lap so much as someone pulling his arms inside the chains preparing to dismount a swing over a crocodile pit.

Christie, ISIS and Other 2016 Predictions | RAGING MODERATE

At the beginning of a new year, cultures all over the world traditionally perform peculiar ceremonies meant to wipe the slate clean and start afresh.

2016: What To Expect | RAGING MODERATE

It's hard to believe, but we're on the brink of another presidential election year. Let us pray. Every quadrennial, the American political process plays out as a big-top carnival sideshow featuring moral contortionists, ethical geeks and fat sweaty white guys teetering on slack media wires.

The Candidates’ Holiday Traditions | RAGING MODERATE

It's the most wonderful time of the year. And a large part of what makes it so goldarn fabulous is the festive array of idiosyncratic traditions each family imprints on their holiday gene map like a candy cane tattoo on the soft flesh behind your knee.

‘Might Makes Right’ is Wrong | RAGING MODERATE

Bullies love fear. And once they sniff its smoke, the real pros know how to fuel and exploit it.

Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2015 | RAGING MODERATE

Be still your beating hearts, because the agonizing wait is over. Wake the kids. Rake the leaves. Fake speaking in tongues. Yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year, when the eagerly awaited list of Top Ten Comedic News Stories of 2015 is finally, mercifully released. Yoke an ox. Toke some skunk. Poke Uncle Bud to make sure he's still ambulatory.

Trump’s Game-Changing Candidacy | RAGING MODERATE

Get out the big black Sharpie and pull down the official Presidential Campaign Manual because its time to redact the rules. Reality television star Donald Trump has altered the way politics is played to an extent that is game-changing. Judged on a scale of one to ten, think somewhere in the mid five figures.

How Many Turkeys Died for your Dinner? | RAGING MODERATE

We've spent such a large portion of the past year cringing at the prospect of potential disasters crouching behind every bush: ISIS, Putin, Trump, Belicheck, lion-killing dentists, that a national holiday right about now is a blessed respite. For one 24-hour period, the whole country can focus on something benign. Unless, you're a Black Friday shopper. But those are self-inflicted injuries.

Anchor Baby Battle | RAGING MODERATE

Prepare for earth-shattering news - immigration has become a key issue in the race for the Republican nomination.

Who Wouldn’t Want This Job? | RAGING MODERATE

It's like a train wreck. Fascinating, repellant, and loud, all at the same time. Talking about the American presidential sweepstakes.

Frequently Asked Questions: Benghazi Hearings Edition | RAGING MODERATE

Q. Isn't Benghazi the guy who used to pal around with John Cassavetes back in the '60s? A. No. That was Ben Gazzara.

Red Meat vs Creme Brulee | RAGING MODERATE

If the disappointment of everyone expecting fireworks at the first Democratic debate exhibited itself as perspiration, we could declare the California drought over. A few soggy matches might have been lit but that was it. Heavy on the smoke, non-existent on the flame.

TP’ing the Trans Pacific Partnership | TYRADES!

It's been awfully fun to watch the different branches of government quiver like Aspen trees in a force 5 tornado arguing the pros and cons of the Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) trade pact.

Papa Frankie is Right: Greed is Not Good | RAGING MODERATE

Get this, and get it straight - Gordon Gekko was wrong. Greed is not good. Greed is bad.