Marcus Carlsen, a 19-year-old graduate of Bainbridge High School, shares his experience with self-growth over the last year. After weeks of self-evaluation and counseling with Bainbridge Youth Services, he is a stronger person today.

This story starts roughly around the start of my senior year.

As tensions were building with the excitement and anxiety of a new school year and my final year of high school, people were getting ready for the new nine months of schoolwork to affect their schedules, and I, of course was also preparing for this but in a very different kind of way. Let’s just say I’m preparing for a different kind of homework on top of the normal workload that we all shared.

About a year ago, most, if not all, of my self-worth came from trying to help others and make sure that THEY were feeling their absolute best. When school starts, my friends would get stressed. I would do everything in my power to try to make those who I held dear happy. I would always give it my all.

This is what I mean by double homework — when I was busy trying to make sure that I was staying afloat in school I was also trying to make sure that all these people around me were emotionally sound. This left me with close to no time to work on myself and make sure that I was being taken care of.

Because of that, I started getting really frustrated and upset about what could be considered as menial stuff, like if someone wanted something from the store and I accidentally got something they didn’t like. As a result, a small, shameful feeling like that would completely floor me. And I would let that ruin my whole day because I thought that I did a bad job.

I never felt like I did a good job because if one little thing went wrong, boom, the whole day is ruined, and I’ve got to wait until tomorrow to try to make a perfect day.

This feeling that I carried around with me that I was never doing a good job was very heavy. I was always thinking (why is everyone else doing so much better than I am; clearly there must be something wrong with me). People started to notice and told me “Hey, you should probably see someone about that.”

That was a very difficult thing for me to hear. I was supposed to be the one helping people not the other way around. I thought, it’s all I’ve ever done so why should I change that. I ended up going to BYS for counseling because they told me it would make them happy, kind of weird how it worked out like that.

At first, I was hesitant, but I wanted to do whatever it took to make myself better so that I could continue to be there for other people. The information I learned was great and I felt that it would be useful to me.

But my mindset was completely wrong. I was still hyper fixated on making sure others felt good that I was practically going to BYS for other people and just bringing the information back out while only applying a fraction of the help to myself.

This cycle didn’t work for very long and I just had to settle with the fact that I need to change how I interact with other people.

I started to give myself the time that I needed to help myself, but this left me with less time to help others.

It felt awful at first and I was constantly trying to get reassurance that my friends still even liked me because I wasn’t as much help as I used to be.

At the start everything was all fine and good, but after a while they started drifting away. I tried to make them understand what I was going through and that I needed support from them so that I can be better for them. I guess something didn’t click and they all parted ways from me.

Losing what felt like all my friends in high school was one of the single worst feelings I’ve felt in my life. But it was also one of the best things to ever happen to me. Being alone was what I needed at that moment. Because then the only person I had left to give to was myself.

It’s been nine months since then and I’ve had nine months of learning to give to myself. Passing through that fire and burning all the bags I had to carry was the best thing to have happened to me.

Today, I am a person who can give others help without having to give myself up in the process. I can use what I’ve learned through counseling to connect with others with empathy and care.

The relationships I have now make me happier than I have ever been, and in turn, makes those around me happier. I practically don’t even have to try to make authentic and healthy relationships with other people. This gives me great hope for my future because I was able to change how I function around people completely without having to sacrifice what is most important to me. This experience also taught me that it’s never too late to change. So, if I find myself pressed up against another brick wall, I now know what it takes to find a way around it.

Editor’s note: This I Know is a project of Bainbridge Youth Services to share viewpoints of teens in their own words. BYS is a nonprofit organization that offers free, confidential mental health counseling, free tutoring and job services to youth 12 to 21 years old. Check out the website at www.askbys.org.