New to parenting? Baby, it’s not easy

Published 7:00 am Wednesday, March 2, 2005

When the stork visits, young families can look for advice and support through PEPS.

No matter how thrilled they may be with their cooing bundle or how accomplished in professional life, parents of new babies can find themselves feeling lonely or unsure.

“You think you should just be fending for yourself as new parents,” said islander Nicole Ringgold, who remembers the isolation she and husband Derek van Marter experienced after baby Cymone arrived in 2002. “But you find it really does take a community to raise a child.”

At a time when many new parents don’t have the support of relatives or neighbors, some are finding a sense of community through PEPS, the nonprofit Program for Early Parent Support.

Ringgold and her husband joined a group in Seattle, before moving to Bainbridge.

“What PEPS does is bring people together to support one another around normal issues. You don’t feel alone or lost,” said Ringgold, who will lead a new PEPS group now forming on Bainbridge. “What many people don’t realize right away, is that having a child is a very huge thing.”

The first PEPS group on Bainbridge started a year ago. Although groups end when babies reach four months old, the families still get together once a month, said Sarah Sydor, who co-led the group with Virginia Mason pediatrician Dr. Fred Walters.

Like Ringgold, Sydor and Walters had attended PEPS groups in Seattle when their children were infants, and thought the parents of Bainbridge could benefit as well.

“One thing that distinguishes PEPS from other groups, is that it is not a play group,” Sydor said. “It provides a non-judgmental environment for parents to share information and ideas, since everyone is going through the same thing, at the same time, with babies who are the same age.”

PEPS welcomes dads, and Ringgold said she and her husband both made lasting friendships – and got great advice – from other parents in their group.

“We women are used to meeting around the well, but men don’t necessarily do that,” Ringgold said. “PEPS connected (my husband) to other dads, and it helped him to hear that they also had questions about their roles as fathers.”

The group now forming will meet Thursdays from 6-8 p.m. – with babies, of course – to discuss concerns and successes regarding a whole range of issues: breast feeding, the role of the father, returning to work, sleep for parents and children, baby sicknesses, doctors, preschools, and financial planning.

PEPS was founded on the belief that parents who are confident and connected to positive friends and resources will enjoy their children more, and help them reach their highest potential.

Research also shows that supported parents are less likely to abuse or neglect their children.

Although Dr. Walters deals with children all day long in his Winslow practice, as a new father he too found PEPS helpful.

“Having a baby is truly a life-changing experience and while it is one of life’s most rewarding endeavors, it also presents many challenges in the first few months such as sleep deprivation, feeding issues, and increased stress because of all the unfamiliar demands on new parents,” Walters said.

“Meeting weekly with a group of parents encountering similar challenges not only provides support and new ideas, but also helps to generate long-lasting friendships.”

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Meet the folks

A new PEPs group for Bainbridge Island parents of newborns and will meet from 6-8 p.m. Thursdays. For further information, call 547-8570, ext. 14, or check the PEPS website at www.pepsgroup.org.