Obituaries, tributes not the final word

Published 1:00 pm Wednesday, December 8, 2004

When you die, how you’re remembered is pretty much out of your hands.

That underscores the importance of using one’s time on earth to leave a positive legacy. And it explains the apparent division among readers regarding the publication, in the Dec. 1 Review, of a paid tribute to Stephen Byrne, who authorities believe slew his two daughters – recent island youngsters, loved by classmates and friends – before taking his own life. To some, the notice was a moving recollection of an ordinary man driven to tragic, inexplicable extremes in his final days; why, others ask, would any decent newspaper print such rubbish for a man who caused such horror and grief?

Our answer to both:

Stephen Byrne lived and died in our midst, and the Review is the forum by which that is acknowledged. Thanks for reading.

This newspaper treats obituaries like news. That is to say, accounts of the passing of community members are edited so as to be reasonably objective: dates and place of birth and death; personal milestones and professional achievements; community service; hobbies and interests; survivors and services. We think it’s the best way to treat such notices; a banker or the town drunk, everyone gets more or less the same consideration.

When a prominent citizen passes, a staff writer often will be assigned to do a more comprehensive piece, to give readers a better idea of the person’s significance to the community. But the overwhelming majority of obituary notices are prepared by immediate survivors, often with the help of a funeral home.

Sometimes, in their grief, a family will be more effusive in their appraisal of a loved one’s life than we’re comfortable with printing. (The phrase most often excised by the editor’s scalpel probably is, “He will be missed by everyone who knew him” – a statistical improbability, at best.) In such cases, we offer the option of “tribute” notices in which survivors can wax unrestrained on the decedent’s best qualities. Such items are considered advertising and are clearly labeled “Paid”; the notice for Stephen Byrne that appeared in last Wednesday’s Review is one example.

Why run it at all? Byrne’s family submitted information on his life and asked that it appear “as is.” Because its content was considerably more subjective than would be appropriate to the news columns, we recommended that they consider a tribute notice. They availed themselves of that option; end of story.

If you’re of a mind that the achievements and wonder of a whole lifetime can be eradicated – rendered moot and unmentionable – by one final terrible act, then you probably don’t have much use for any tribute to Mr. Byrne.

But we think Stephen Byrne’s survivors have at least as much claim to his memory as the community does. Really, any judgment is out of all our hands.