When the stork doubles your joy

Published 6:00 pm Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Jana and Sean Walker know firsthand that two times two equals four.

The multiplication problem is a snap for the island family with two sets of twins.

While most families don’t get blessed twice over, there are enough to populate Multiples of Bainbridge, a support group formed in June by Carolyn Galvin, mother of twin boys, to help with the special challenges that twins present.

“When we found out I was pregnant with twins, we looked for twins groups, and I was specifically looking for a group on this side of the Sound and couldn’t find anything,” said Galvin, who, with her husband, Ray, moved to the island two years ago from California.

“I was on bed rest for 11 weeks so I couldn’t really do anything, and then after the twins were born it was pretty impossible,” she said. “But I knew I wanted to find or start a support structure, because there are a lot of issues that are unique to having multiple children.”

Last month, with her babies now nearly 2 years old, Galvin formed MOB to provide a place for parents to meet, a forum for exchanging information and for kids to play.

And – perhaps most important – a focus for mutual support. Just feeding, diapering and comforting two babies at once can seem overwhelming.

“There were days when I said to my husband, ‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’’’ Galvin said.

She says the stress even topped her former job doing research, writing and analysis for the Central Intelligence Agency.

“There’s no comparison,” Galvin said. “The twins are so much harder, including the CIA. I wouldn’t have believed that (possible).”

Young MOBs

While most of MOB’s 10 charter families have twins younger than age 5, the Walkers – who have six children in addition to the the twins on the way, and a pair of 9-year-old boys – are the group’s most experienced parents.

“My thing with twins is that at each age you have different issues that you struggle with,” Jana Walker said.

The psychological issues are by far the tougher problems to solve, according to Walker. Some twins are competitive and vie for dominance. Others share the role, flip-flopping back and forth.

“They constantly flip-flop as to who’s the ‘twin-in-charge,’ and the same thing with their mood,” she said. “You can have one twin who’s the laid-back twin for a month and all of a sudden he’s fussy, whiny. It’s hard to manage, because you never know when that’s going to happen.”

When twins enter grade school, the duo dynamic doesn’t always dovetail with school policies. Schools often place twins in different classrooms, Walker says, when studies actually show that they benefit from staying together.

On the other hand, twins with different learning issues may be lumped together for remedial education.

Because of the dynamic of the twin relationship, twins’ rate of development may be underestimated, Walker says,

“Twins often ‘twinspeak,’ creating their own language,” she said. “They understand each other, but no one else can understand them. And so because of that, when they get in a school situation twins are often behind. But for a twin, that is normal. They don’t usually catch up until fifth or sixth grade.”

But raising multiples isn’t just about extra challenges, Walker and other parents point out.

Having to work as a team may strengthen a marriage as fathers are pulled into co-parenting.

Partners learn to work through problems efficiently because there isn’t a choice.

While the house and yard may not be showplaces for parents of twins, the joys may also be two-fold.

“There’s a lot of things that stress me out,” Walker said, “but I love being with my children and spending time with them, and I wouldn’t give them up.

“It’s just better with the support of other parents raising multiples.”

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Multiples of Bainbridge meets the first Saturday of the month. Families with twins, triplets and greater multiples come together to share wisdom and support. For more information, call 855-8684 or email carolyngalvin@speakeasy.net.