Let’s talk about sexual assault, BHS girls say

Published 1:30 am Thursday, September 3, 2020

“Don’t tell.”

Probably since the inception of high schools that’s what many boys have said to girls they have pressured into having sex.

But girls at Bainbridge High School say enough is enough. About three months ago five girls in particular started the group, “Let’s talk about sexual assault.”

They had a rally attended by about 30 people on the Winslow waterfront Tuesday. As victims of sex, only there first names are being used to protect their identities.

“No more silence. We’re fed up. And you should be, too,” their website says at letstalksexualassault.com.

Prior to the rally, Zoe said grownups help to perpetuate the problem. She said parents need to be educated to support victims rather than covering up the problem.

One of the girls said the boy’s mom walked in while they were having sex, and told him to convince the girl not to sue.

“These are the boys BHS parents are raising,” Sophie said.

The girls said they talked to the mayor, police chief and school superintendent, and while they were all supportive no action has taken place so far.

A few of the girls said they have received some backlash from the community since first speaking out.

Sofie said the guilty person seems to get more support than the victim. “They say not to ruin his life, but what about him ruining my life,” she said.

Zoe said sexual assault is traumatic, but the process after that can feel just as if not more traumatic.

“We have a right to feel safe,” she said, adding they will continue the fight. “We’re doing it to protect younger children,” she added.

The rally

Zoe kicked off the rally by saying she moved to Bainbridge Island in the third grade. She said people seem to think: “This island is perfect. There are no issues.

“That’s b.s.”

She said she’s tired of being quiet. “I’ve kinda had enough,” she said.

Zoe said the first time she was sexually assaulted was Halloween her freshman year. “It’s OK to have issues,” she said, adding students need to be taught “how to say no.”

People in the audience were then invited to tell their stories.

One young woman said she went through an array of emotions after her sexual abuse: shame, helplessness, anger, revenge, scared and tormented. She cried and was called a liar. Her attacker suffered zero repercussions. “People did nothing,” she said. BHS staff failed to protect her, and her own parents didn’t believe her, she said.

Another young woman said she had been bullied and had low self-esteem. She said being sympatheic and emphathetic made her a target for sexual assault. She said she was supposed to be strong, and she also was told not to “ruin his life.”

The Founding 5

According to their website, the five are:

Sofie: Graduated from BHS in 2020. She was sexual assaulted as a freshman. “I felt silenced, dismissed and isolated for three years until I finally came out about my abuse publicly and accidentally became a catalyst for this movement.”

Lelaina: Dropped out of BHS and earned her GED in 2019. Since she was 12 she has been sexually assaulted four times by four people. Her struggles with depression caused her to leave school.

Zoe: A senior at BHS, she was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend twice. “I thought this was normal since we were in a relationship,” she said. “I was wrong. No means no.”

Mary: Is a senior at BHS this year. “Sexual assault has been a huge part of my life since I was young and has only gotten more prevalent. So many girls I know have been assaulted throughout their lives and/or have been affected by it.”

Ellie: A senior at BHS, was sexually assaulted last year. “I have been very passionate about women’s rights for as long as I can remember.”

On their website

Let’s Talk has three objectives: Support, education and outreach.

They offer group, one-on-one, and small group peer support through Bainbridge Youth Services. “Our aim is to create a safe, comfortable space for survivors to talk about their experiences without the additional trauma of reporting.”

They provide videos for parents, sessions for students and other educational opportunities. And they host local protests and eventually plan to expand statewide.

Other goals include Officer Training. They are working with Bainbridge police to implement new training for detectives investigating sexual assault. “The investigation process is incredibly uncomfortable, invasive and traumatic for survivors. We are pushing for more sensitivity training, and, eventually, a designated detective to work solely with sexual assault survivors.”

The five say there is a lack of education and awareness surrounding sexual assault. They are advocating for four years of consent-based sex education in high school, as well as consent talks from K-12.

“We strive to make our city a better place for survivors of sexual abuse,” their website says.