Q: Recently I was merging onto the freeway, and as I got up to freeway speed on the onramp I found myself next to a car already on the freeway going about the same speed as me. I slowed down to merge behind the car, but that driver slowed down to be kind and let me merge in front. Of course, that doesn’t work well, but it got me wondering who is supposed to do what in that situation?

A: This isn’t the only question about freeway merging that I’ve received. But it’s the nicest. Others blamed poor merging on millennials, political correctness, hostility and incompetence. I like that you’ve attributed the problem (at least in this case) to kindness.

Just in case you thought this would be easy, you’re not going to find a law in the Revised Code of Washington that clearly explains how to merge onto a freeway. However, it’s still a good place to start. For the merging driver, the law states that a driver shouldn’t change lanes “until the driver has first ascertained that such movement can be made with safety.” And for drivers already on the freeway, the law also says that drivers have the responsibility to exercise “due care and caution as further circumstances require.”

It’s generally understood that the person merging (whether onto a freeway or any other roadway) bears the primary responsibility for safety. But the second law I referenced makes clear that it’s not entirely one-sided. Every one of us, when we’re using public roadways, is responsible for the safety of ourselves and others. On a side note, in a recent survey of Washington drivers, most of us (88%) agreed with that.

The Washington Driver Guide instructs merging drivers to enter traffic at the same speed that traffic is moving. That’s good advice; it’s also what caused the situation that prompted the question. Additionally, the Driver Guide advises those who don’t have space to merge to slow down on the ramp until you have a gap, and then speed up as you move into that space.

Given that guidance, it would make sense that if you’re the driver already on the freeway and you see someone to your right wanting to merge, you might speed up a bit to make some space behind you (unless you’re already at the speed limit). Even better, if you have the option to do it safely, move left to make space for merging drivers.

You could also try to avoid the situation altogether. Often when we find ourselves in a pinch on the roadway, it’s because we weren’t looking far enough ahead or anticipating other drivers. When on the freeway and approaching an onramp, look ahead and to your right for soon-to-be merging vehicles, and set yourself up to make room. Yes, the merging driver has a responsibility to make a safe lane change, but they also have the more complex task.

Finally, even though we hope other drivers will help with a merge, don’t assume another driver will share space with you or give you space. Not because they’re a millennial, or a boomer, or because they’re being politically correct (I don’t even know what that means in this context) or because they’re hostile or incompetent, but because the ultimate goal is getting where we’re going safely. To do that, we need to look out for each other and make adjustments to our driving that help other road users.

Doug Dahl with the Traffic Safety Commission writes the weekly “The Wise Drive” column for this newspaper.