Resources are there for domestic strife

Published 9:00 am Saturday, December 18, 2004

Seasonal stress brings problems; ALIVE can help those in trouble.

Around the island, the dazzle of bright lights is a sure sign that the holiday season has arrived.

And for some, it’s a warning that the season of spousal abuse has begun.

“It’s a stressful time of year for the most healthy of relationships, and if there are problems with money and other issues, things can escalate,” said Jackie Aitchison of Bainbridge/North Kitsap ALIVE.

Located in the Municipal Court building at Rolling Bay, the agency offers counseling and emergency housing to domestic violence victims and their families.

“We usually see incidences of domestic violence increase around the holidays, and we’ve seen that in our Bainbridge Island office so far this year,” Aitchison said.

“It affects all kinds of relationships” including gay couples and elders abused by their children, she said, “and all kinds of socio-economic groups.”

Ninety-two percent of the time, however, domestic violence victims are women abused by a male partner, according to national statistics, which suggest that one in three American women will report being abused by a boyfriend or spouse at some point in their lives.

Some of those women meet for support from one another at an undisclosed island location from 7 to 8:30 p.m. on Thursdays.

Women who want to join the group can call 780-2931 for details.

“It’s one domestic violence victim helping another, sharing their experience, strength and hope,” Aitchison said. “One who has recently left a relationship can get a lot of help from another.

“They also talk about their healthy relationships and let the others know they are not alone, that it’s not their fault.”

Despite the appearance of well-being and prosperity on Bainbridge Island, domestic violence lurks in the shadows, the experts say.

“In December there is a lot of financial stress, and people think that it doesn’t happen here, but it does,” said therapist Marva Critch, a support group leader. “It’s more hidden. The husband gets stressed out and takes it out on her.”

The myth is that people with money have fewer struggles and stress in the relationship. Not true, Critch says.

“There is a lot of pressure to appear prosperous and well-behaved to the outside world,” she said.

Legal changes

The regularity of abuse inside island homes is apparent every week in the list of calls to police, published in the newspaper.

“There are lots of people who reoffend,” said Bainbridge Municipal Court Judge Steve Holman, who chaired an effort last year to strengthen Kitsap County’s protections for domestic abuse victims.

In the past, offenders arrested at the scene of a domestic disturbance could post bail, get a court date and return home, where the fighting could start all over again. In such cases, it was not uncommon for the police to be called to the same home twice in a single night.

It could be days before the perpetrator appeared before a judge, who would order him to stay away.

Now police issue a mandatory no-contact order at the time of arrest. Violators are sent to jail for making so much as a phone call to the victim.

The policy was adopted last year by the Kitsap County Trial Court Coordination Council, chaired by Holman, with input from experts in domestic violence.

“What’s important,” Holman said, “is that women who are victims of domestic violence know that the law has teeth, that he will be arrested, that there will be no contact and they can get some help.

“I hate to say this, but some men don’t change. We know that.”

Holman also knows that the new policy has given victims the head start they need to get out, stay safe and start new lives.

“If they know they will get protection, I know there are women who will put the past behind them and take steps to put him out of their life,” he said.

“I have seen it.”

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Help at hand

Victims of domestic violence can get counseling, support, and safe housing for themselves and their children though Kitsap County’s ALIVE (Alternatives to Living in a Violent Environment) program, sponsored by the YWCA, by calling the Bainbridge Island office at 780-2931, the North Kitsap line at (360) 551-3140, or the 24-hour crisis line at (800) 500-5513.